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Saturday, November 24, 2018

Having The Wedding Dress Before The Engagement Ring - Curvy Over 40

Late in 2017 my boyfriend, Simon, let me know that he intended to marry me! It was wonderful not only to have the man I love, the man that wasn't perfect but perfect for me share his intention for us to begin our life together.  But to be honest, the thought also sent me in to a tailspin.  

You see, as someone who was by them firmly IN her 40's, I think somewhere along the way I had decided that perhaps being a wife wasn't in the cards. But, I always knew I wanted to have a family, and that for me that family likely meant being a wife.  However, everything from my dubious choices in dating partners to all the stories of black women either not wanting to marry or being unable to find mates, made me unsure if marriage was a reality for me. 

However with Simon, our conversations about being married and getting married have always been fairly transparent (its his 2nd marriage).  So when in a late night conversation asked me if I wanted that to get married and then we went ring shopping a few months later in late 2017 I realized he was actually serious and it was coming. 

At the top of 2018, he REALLY started pressing me to start thinking about what I wanted for the wedding - he knew that the adjustment to this idea would take some time and felt I should gather my close friends to support me for the inevitable. So when my mom was in town from LA that weekend, at his encouragement, we went to Kleinfled’s just to say we did and just kinda play with the idea of dresses. 

But, something terrible and wonderful happened ... I SAID YES TO THE DRESS?! 

I had NO ring but had this amazing dress? How'd I go from marriage wary to a Kleinfeld's bride?  No idea, I knew it was right but my head was swimming.  I bought a dress before he asked? Are we cursed? What if it wasn't right? (for the record I still LOVE my dress) This dress defintely made my transient thoughts about a elopement or courthouse wedding out the door. This dress as they say "upped the ante."

But, hey who can focus, cause my mom's in town and two days later we had already scheduled dinner with all of our parents at the location our first ACTUAL date at Spuntino Wine Bar in NJWhen we arrived were seated at the back of the restaurant in a semi-private room, which I found strange but shrugged off.  

At the end of dinner and we’re discussing family and family tragedies, the convo was very somber. Then, out of the blue Si tells me to tell his parents that I’d bought the wedding dress and I was MORTIFIED! I felt foolish for getting the dress (even though my mom encouraged me heavily) and wanted that to be a secret, so I couldn’t believe he was bringing it up — in front of our parents. Then he uses this to start an argument saying things like “Why would you do this, this puts a lot of pressure on me. And even though I did tell you to go I didn’t think I’d really buy something.” 

And the whole time I’m confused, and getting steadily madder. We very rarely argue, and NEVER in public and DEFINITELY not in front of our parents! I say... “But you’re the one who told me to go, you have me out here on an island all alone!” As I looked away briefly to try to compose myself, I hear him say. “Welllll, I don’t want you to be on an island all alone.” And I turn back around and he’s on one knee with the most gorgeous ring and he asks me to marry him. But now, I’m confused. What’s happening? Then I’m mad like you a$$hole! I’m over here all mad and that was just a joke?!  Finally after I tell him he’s all this, he’s still on his knee! He asks if it’s a yes and I say well of course and we kiss and embrace and I put on the ring.

So, here I am, 41 and planning one of the most special days and moments in my life.  It goes to show you that God really does grant you the desires of your heart, and that anything is possible if you always believe in love.