Curvy Confessions: Lessons in Commitment and Vulnerability

Sometime in 2012, I was keenly aware that something in my life had to change.

You see, I was fed up with getting by but never quite getting ahead. I had also recently discovered that my genetics and years of trying to hold it all together had begun to take their toll, and I'd finally had my first panic attack.

Clearly something had to change.

It was about that time that I also began to discover how insecure I was and how my insecurities were fueling my decisions on almost every level. I couldn't even love what I looked like in the mirror. So, like any Scorpio I began to brood. I poured over old pictures and old journals, not even really knowing what I was searching for. I came a cross old memories. Now, as a passive observer, I noticed how damn cute I actually was/am, because that was the opposite of how I felt at the time.

At that time: I'd lost almost 50 lbs for a man who still loathed my curves. At that time: someone who I thought was my best friend told me I did indeed look fat (for the record just don't ask "do I look fat in this.")  At that time: there were also the fond memories; the fun, silly drunken fun of my mid to late 20s, the Sunday Dinners I cooked for friends and for profit, the street food, the meals made on a super budget and the cheap eats of LA, NY  and beyond. Looking back on all of this something clicked; even when I was a "straight size" I was curvy and the commonality in my joyous and not so joyous moments was food and exploring the "city."

I also have known, for a very long time, that I was a storyteller, a writer.  My comfort in every situation I have ever been in, for as long as I could imagine was writing.  When I was in elementary school, I would, routinely, sit out kickball and foursquare to write in my journal and "think."  But, the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of showing my authentic self, living my struggle against my imperfections that has kept me from living my purpose.  I've always wanted to blend in, not stand out...but no matter how hard I try, I wasn't meant to blend, I've always stood out.

So in 2012 I decided, to start to try to live my truth.  Having a voice (or two) online, sharing my opinion and likeness to the world has been a process, but I've decided to (finally) stop running from the fear, rather running towards it.  In the past few months, I recognized that I needed to become more "Dauntless" about writing and sharing my voice. (Sorry, for the plug, but I AM currently reading (aka FULLY absorbed in) the Divergent trilogy, but more on that soon.) The fear of being vulnerable has kept me from this blog and kept me from sharing my stories, when I was born to do just that. This blog is my commitment to myself to live openly and authentically.  I won't always get it right, but I know that, that is the beauty of this journey. We grow, by making commitments. I am trying to grow so I am committing to Curvy in the City.

Thanks for joining me and supporting me.  Each day is a lesson and I look forward to the journey.

xo,
Erica Michele

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#FFFWeek, a reminder to stay Curvy & Confident

Hello Curvy Goddesses (& Gods)!

Please forgive my EXTENDED absence from the blog.  You see, in November I started working at an amazing new agency doing social media and time got scarce.  What's even MORE exciting is that I get the opportunity to work with one of my favorite brands as part of the day job!  All in all the past 6 months have been amazing and I am even MORE excited of what the year has in store for Curvy in the City.

I have to thank all the beautiful women who I've interacted with for work and well as on a personal level in the past few weeks, for inspiring me and reminding me why this blog is so important to me.  As most of you know, last week was Full Figure Fashion Week and the week prior to that I got to work with the brand I represent and some amazing blogger at a NYC Shop and Swap, and I left both events feeling in CONFIDENT and INSPIRED.

For those of you new to my journey, being curvy has been a lifelong "struggle" for me. Not a struggle as in a a struggle with my weight (that's an entirely different topic), but a struggle in acceptance.  Although I had an amazing and supportive mother, growing up in a family that demonized "fatness" made her and me not proud of our bodies.  As an adult I found myself attracting men and friends who shared a hatred of the curvy form.  But then, there was the relief of finding a community of curvy women who were beautiful and bold and confident, and I thought I'd found a home.....only to be told I wasn't curvy enough.  So, I felt unaccepted and without a place.  This blog became my place, my space, to heal, to learn to love and to work it out (literally and figuratively) with like-minded curvy souls.

Several of those souls I got the opportunity to interact with in the last week and I have found focusing on their beauty and love has allowed me to ignore the voices in my head and the voices from afar that say I am not "enough."  I had several really wonderful conversations with ladies this week about love, dating, body image, food and much more.  These conversations reminded me that beauty has nothing to do with the scale or how many digits are on those pair of jeans (love to all my #doubledigitdivas!) and everything to do with how you feel, staying true to who you are and how you treat your friends, sisters, competitors and even your enemies.

Overall the past few weeks have left me feeling uplifted and inspired.  I want to get more proactive in discussing how cuisine, fat shaming, body image affect not just us but our relationships with others and the world around us. Look out for more thoughts from me, more regularly---and welcome to the journey--it's gonna be a big year for us at CITC and I appreciate you all holding on for the ride!

xoxo,

Erica Michele

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#denimdelight with Catherine's

A few week's ago, I had the pleasure if enjoying some delicious lunch with Kellie B.and other gorgeous curvy women a The Park in New York City, courtesy of Catherine's #DENIMDELIGHT.

In the back patio of The Park, Catherine's set up a delicious spread including sliders, insane mushroom risotto and delectable Potato Gnocchi with Pancetta, Arugula and Pecorino. The team also had sangria and drinks available for us to nosh on while we mingled, tried on gorgeous feeling denim and getting custom made lop gloss courtesy of Giella Cosmetics.

I am always on the search for he perfect red and what better way to get it than to have on customized before your eyes.  After viewing my completion the technician from Giella added gold undertones to my gloss to compliment my skin tone.  I loved the results!  The best thing about Giella is that its custom, you can even come to them with something that is no longer made so they can match that hue of your favorite hard to find shade.

Giella Custom Made Red, Jewels courtesy of  Catherine's

The denim all felt gorgeous.  I really loved the feel of the jeggings (I wore them almost the ENTIRE #curvyinMA weekend) and picked up a pair of trouser jeans for my Mom.

My Mom and I modeling our Catherine's jeans on a girl's weekend in Massachusetts. #curvyinMA

For more on Catherine's Denim check them out on Facebook at www.facebook.com/CatherinesPlusSizes

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Welcome to Curvy in the City!

Well, not really welcome, but thanks for joining me here!  

I love to eat out and eat what I want (korean fried chicken and foie gras aren't exactly figure friendly) but I also want to feel beautiful and worthy of love at the same time.  Curvy in the City is an expression of my daily and perennial dilemma to justify my love of the city life (culture, cuisine, events, activities) and also as a means for me to begin to accept myself.

I began Curvy in the City in October 2012 with the Twitter handle @curvyinthecity and a Tumblr account. I began this journey, partly as a social media experiment (social media pro by day) and also because I knew that the thing holding me back in all facets of my life, was my lack of confidence, much of which was rooted in my life long struggle to NOT be a curvy girl.

I’ve been a size 8 through an 18 and while at each size people always remarked about my “figure."  Simultaneously, most of my life I was also asked if I wouldn’t be happier if I were a little bit smaller?  

You see, to those ex-boyfriends, old friends and family I wasn't "that fat," I could just stand to lose a few pounds, for me, of course (never for them). I felt as though there was something wrong with me, something I needed to change, because being curvy made me never quite "good enough."

This size paradigm chased beyond just interpersonal interactions.  Since I tend to hover between a 12-16, finding clothing that fits and fits well has been a life long struggle for me.  I could fit in to "straight" sized clothes...sometimes, if they even had my size. Then if i went to traditional plus-size retailers and department stores, they were either lacking style or didn't have things in my size either!  So because I didn't "fit" in any true paradigm of size this began to reinforce my low self perception.

However, Curvy in the City helped me realize that the issue of weight wasn’t totally about my body or fitting in to the latest fashions, it was more about me reforming my mind.  Reading articles about plus-size issues, seeing beautiful women who exude curvy confidence and tackling these issues forced me to begin to accept the fact that I am pretty fabulous and I deserve love and happiness without conditions—-no matter WHAT SIZE I HAPPEN TO BE!

As a result of all this, I wanted to open up the forum to have more orignal content, to bring my unique voice to this dialogue so I have expanded to this blog page!

Curvy in the City is my unique point of view on city life as a curvy woman.  A curvy lifestyle that embraces the love of my God given curves, city culture and cuisine.  When I speak to the curvy lifestyle, I speak with knowledge from the size 8-18 paradigm, although I am sure this isn’t the definitive curvy definition.  

Below are a few things that define the Curvy in the City perspective, they are some of my #curvyrules:

Run this town! Take advantage of all the events, attractions, tastes and sounds cities have to offer!
Accept your body for all it’s curves! (and sometimes lumps & bumps& dimples.) 
Eat REALLY, really GOOD food! (preferably tasty & good for you.) 
Keep on moving! An active, healthy and balanced lifestyle is a key to sustained happiness!
Know your worth! (and always be actively seeking to know it!) 
Be confident! 
Don't judge! (Body image is a issue outside of the curvy/plus size world as well. There is unity in knowing that many of our struggles are the same.)
Be a role model! (Walk in the awareness that your behavior influences others.) Your sense of self love, fashion, social and spiritual awareness should inspire yourself & others. 


Curvy in the City is one urbanista, attempting to help some one else realize what it took me decades to: 

Perfection is a myth.  

Life is a gift. 

Embrace your curves, embrace your life.

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